yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
