I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
