Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
