I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
