I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the liver wants what the liver wants
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
