I could have mohawked her pubes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
