He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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