hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
