And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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