Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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