Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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