So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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