dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
