Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
