okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
