He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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