guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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