idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
