Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
