those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
