my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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