somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
