Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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