All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
