So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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