i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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