I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My vagina just recognized that song.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
