I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I puked a lego.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
