Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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