I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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