Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
