Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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