I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
