I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
