Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
