i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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