He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
