i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
