Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
