I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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