people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
