We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
