Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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