I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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