Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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