Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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