That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize