now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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