I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
