If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
