dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
