tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
