I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you had me at cake vodka
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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