Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
