Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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