Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
