Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Randomize
