Your tits are I can't wait for
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
