I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
