i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We named our party play list daddy issues
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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