Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
