I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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