If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
