I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
