I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
