i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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