why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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