it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
