She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do vagina's smell?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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