This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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