There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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