after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
