He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
