He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
