...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
