Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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