omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
