And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
