I can't breathe out the right side of my face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
