No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
