i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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