Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
