This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
