So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
