so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
