Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
