Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
