I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
