what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
