Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
