it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
