All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
